Stupid People Everywhere

From CBC Calgary:

Man burned after trying to smoke while on oxygen
Last updated Jan 6 2006 04:23 PM MST
CBC News
A man intent on smoking in his hospital room – even though he was hooked up to oxygen – landed in the burn unit Friday afternoon.

The 63-year-old man, who was on the kidney ward at the University of Alberta Hospital, attempted to light a cigarette, which caused his breathing line to catch fire, which in turn engulfed the bed.

Dumb fuck. Apparantly damage to hospital is about $20K. I hope they make him pay for it.

Lessons in Stupidity No. 3: Don’t Speed, Dumbass.

Valerie Montgomery has got to be the dumbest driver out there. No, strike that: there are plenty of dumb-dumbs out there. Hopefully they all get caught and pay the price.

She’s the one who got a $632 speeding ticket for not slowing down for a cop with flashing lights. From teh Calgary Herald:

“He handed me the ticket for $632 and I asked, ‘What did I do wrong?’ I was speechless, absolutely speechless,” she said.

“It’s a tough lesson to learn. I felt that a warning would have been more appropriate because I didn’t know about the law. No one I’ve talked to has ever heard of it,” said Montgomery, who also complained the fine was excessive.

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t heard about the new law, and the subsequent grace period (now ended, sad for Valerie)? I’ve slowed down twice already on the Deerfoot.

For the record, you must slow down to 60 KMH when passing emergency vehicles on a highway, but only on that lane next to the flashing lights. If they’re on the right hand shoulder, you get to keep your 130 in the left lane. Not that anyone we know goes 130.

And yeh, 600+ bucks seems a little steep, but one thing she said makes it perfectly appropriate in this case. “What’s an emergency vehicle, anyways?” she reportedly asked.

Lessons in Stupidity No. 2: How Not to Cross a Highway

A sixteen year old Morely girl gets run over (and over again) in a multiple hit and run accident on the Trans-Canada highway, and what are we obsessed with? Pick one:

a) what was a 16 year old doing alone on the T-Can at 7 am in the morning?
b) what parent allows their 16 year to be out and walking about in a highway at any time?
c) what is the native community doing to protect its youngsters?

No, the obsession de jour is to lower the speed limits on the trans-fucking-Canada highway where it runs through the reserve.

Sedo [the father] called on the government to reduce the speed limit along the stretch of the highway that runs through the reserve.

“It’s also, maybe, a possibility that we should have some signs on the side of the highway because it does cut through the community. We seem to have signs for livestock. How about signs for people possibly trying to make it home?” he said.

Yeh, maybe if the native community took better care of its young people. Say, better than it treats its livestock?

Theory. It’s The New Black.

This one almost passed me by, what with the holiday drink-fest that is GiftMas and all. From December 22’s Calgary Herald, an Editorial:

It’s just one of many theories

The theory of evolution is just that — a theory. It is not a proven fact, and it should not hold exclusive squatter’s rights to the minds of children.

(snip)

The reason evolution has remained a theory is that it cannot be proven through the fossil record or by observing existing species. Instead, it is a plausible explanation for the existence of such artifacts. Yet, U.S. teachers will not be allowed to accord any other theory equal time in their science classes.

Okay now… back to school for the lot of you. There’s a reason editorials are unsigned, and this is an excellent example of why: you don’t want to look like an idiot all by yourself. I’m going to have to look up the editorial board and name the idiots one-by-one, since there is now collective stupidity involved.

In short, their thesis is that Darwinian evolution is just a theory, and so all other reasonable theories (like ID and – no really, don’t laugh – creationism) should begiven equal weight.

Yep, it’s just a theory. Like the Theory of Heliocentrism, proposed by Copernicus and supported by the observations of Galileo. Or the Theory of Plate Tectonics, proposed by Wegener. Or how about Cell Theory. But wait, you since don’t believe in theories, so you can’t blame cell theory (and the ensuant viral stupidity).

You see, fuckdolts, just calling something a “theory” is a semantic game. Theory in science does not mean the same thing as my theory of how you guys passed high school. Nope, a scientific theory is something special, and perhaps you ought to read up on it.

This would be a good place to start. I found it by searching for Calgary bloggers who might have a clue. I don’t know if this Teddy guy does or not, but the evidence supports the theory that he’s not a dimwit.

It’s absoutely amazing, in this day and age, to be so influenced by such unenlightened thought. To be exposed to it via an editorial in a major newspaper is just criminal.

Yep, just a fucking bunch of rednecks, the new Dover. That’s what Calgary is.

Lessons in Stupidity: Pt. 1

Flash: Calgary single mom of 4 gets swindled of $230000.

So you get an “email” from a “lawyer” from South Africa saying you “won” a lottery. You remember, the one you didn’t even enter. What do you do?

Well duh, send over 230 large to try to snag them winnings.

From the CTV News site:

The “lawyer”, who sent it, gained her trust over several months with official looking documents, websites, frequent e-mails and phone calls.

“We started talking about family, the kids, vacation planning the kids would go on safari,” says the scam’s victim.

“Whenever I’d say I didn’t have the money, he’d say trust in God, I’ll pray for you, this is god’s money meant for you.”

Um.. DOH!

So in the efforts of saving other Calgarians from similar hurt, CP offers up these “thinking points”.

1. They don’t call you, you call them. It’s up to you to notice if you’ve won.
2. You can’t win foreign lotteries. Usually.
3. They don’t care about your kids, vacations, or family life. Be scared if they do.
4. Trust nothing to God. If He really wants you to win something, He’ll find a way.

Oh and this is kind of sweet: She’s interested in starting a support group for people that have been victimized by fraud.

We have an idea… how about charging the first ten clients $23000 each?